Empower Wisconsin | Jan. 28,  2022

Have you ever felt like the M&M characters were part of an exclusive club, and you weren’t invited?

Maybe you’re clinically insane.

The folks at Mars, Inc. don’t think so, though. The maker of the sweet treat that’s been around since World War II is woking up the confection. To that end, the M&M is getting a “modern makeover” in Mars’ “global commitment to creating a world where everyone feels they belong and society is inclusive.”

How does the candy company plan to do that? Apparently by transforming their slutty green M&M mascot from a go-go boots-wearing seductress to just your average gal — pronoun she/her — (or whatever) in sneakers. The old horny Ms. Green is going from Sports Illustrated swimsuit model to everybody’s buddy — just not in a sexual way.

Ms. Brown, too, is ditching her stilettos for more comfortable pumps. She’s “not bossy. Just the boss.”

It’s all part of an effort to bring more “nuanced personalities” to promote M&M’s “to underscore the important of self-expression and power of community through story-telling.”

Maybe Mars Inc. is clinically insane, which, of course, is the natural state of wokeness.

The M&Ms “makeover” certainly has gotten a lot of notice — much of it from people mocking the painfully woke campaign.

“This is a huge win for the oppressed M&Ms,” Candace Owens tweeted.

“M&Ms are not only fictional, but also literally a rainbow, and yet still they are apparently not diverse enough,” political commentator Lauren Chen tweeted.

But sneakers and a new attitude only go so far in the woke kingdom.

“I worry the ‘more inclusive’ M&Ms will get more coverage than the actual climate issues affecting global candy production,” wrote reporter Karen K. Ho