Emperor Evers will allow mask-free eating, drinking

Empower Wisconsin | Aug. 3, 2020

MADISON — Hear ye! Hear ye!

Emperor Tony Evers, in his latest edict ordering all within the great state of Wisconsin’s boundaries to wear a face covering, is magnanimously allowing his subjects to eat and drink mask-free.

Subjects when communicating with an individual who is deaf or hard of hearing “and communication cannot be achieved through other means” also are not required to wear a mask.

Here are some other exemptions to the Pale Ruler’s emergency order, which, in accordance with the emperor’s desires, shall remain in effect until Sept. 28, 2020,

“or by a subsequent superseding emergency order.”

Subjects may be exempt from wearing a facial covering:

1. While sleeping

2. While swimming or on duty as a lifeguard.

3. While giving a religious, political, media, educational, artistic, cultural, musical, or theatrical presentation for an audience, the single speaker may remove the face covering when actively speaking. (*While the face covering is removed, the speaker must remain at least 6 feet away from all other individuals at all times.)

4. While having a root canal

You may also be exempt if any of the following apply to you:

1. You are unconscious, incapacitated, or otherwise unable to remove the face covering without assistance.

2. If you are a prisoner

3. If you are employed in the offices of the Legislature or the state Supreme Court.

Thank you for your compliance. The Pale Ruler expects and demands it.