Matt Kittle
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The Berkeley Code: What extreme PC would do to classic rock lyrics

Down with ‘manholes.’ 

The term is just too toxic for the lib city of Berkeley, Calif. 

By order of Berkeley’s woke city council, manholes will be stricken from the local lexicon. They will be known henceforth as maintenance holes. 

Oh, there’s more. 

Craftsman has been replaced by artisan. Man-made is now human-made, and male and female are “people of a different gender.” 

It’s all Berkeley’s attempt to keep things as wokely gender-neutral as progressively possible. An ordinance, also approved earlier this summer, expunges masculine and feminine pronouns from the city’s municipal code. Berkeley city officials produced a 14-page document spelling out the mandated changes. 

We at Empower Wisconsin got to thinking, what if Berkeley gender-neutral wokeness applied to music lyrics? Here’s what the changes might look like: 

*  Marvin Gaye’s 1971 Motown hit “What’s Going On?” should be changed from “Brother, Brother, Brother, there’s far too many of you dying,” to “Sibling, Sibling, Sibling…”

* Likewise, 1970s folk-rock band America must change the title of its hit song “Sister Golden Hair” to “Sibling Golden Hair.” 

* Bob Dylan’s counterculture “Subterranean Homesick Blues” should no longer advise the “kid” to jump down a manhole. From this point on, said the kid will have to jump down a maintenance hole.

* Also from the unwoke 1960s, Wayne Fontana and the Mindbenders will have to change the romantic adversaries in the song, “Game of Love.” According to the Berkeley rule, the opening line must change to: “The purpose of a single-gender is to love a single gender, and the purpose of a single-gender is to love a single gender.” 

* This line from country superstar Toby Keith’s “Made in America” — “With WD 40 and a Craftsman Wrench — is no longer acceptable under the Berkeley code. In fact, Toby Keith, in general, is not acceptable under the Berkeley code. 

* The heavy metal band Iron Maiden will now be known as Iron Family. 

* While the term “journeyman” has been changed to just “journey,” the classic rock band Journey may keep its name — for now. 

* On a related note, staffing services giant Manpower will have to change its name to “Human Effort.” 

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